Caterina: Death and Taxes by Caterina, thwarted latina

Spouse and I just popped our tax return into the mail. Yeah, I know we were tardy in getting it done but it was so depressing. We kept giving up and coming back for another go at it - starting with purpose and vigour, always reduced to a corpselike state in front of the monitor; scrolling up, scrolling down. Did we claim for that credit? Is it worth the bother at the bottom line? Where is the bottom line? Scroll back, scroll forth. The evening would always end with us promising to finish... manana. Who knew, maybe we would get hit by a bus before then.

Our financial lives are not actually that complicated, so what brought us to our knees this year in Canada, that three other tax seasons in three different countries could not? I blame two things and both of them are QuickTax. Hombre, this software package could use some work. That funky animated graphic that directs you to the correct spot on the tax form - charming the first time but really tired ever after. Especially when you are on your 3rd version of events for Revenue Canada. And the printout function, Dios mio, our return was spewed out as a half-inch thick stack of paper! Every blessed form gets printed: whether you are claiming a dependent over 18 years of age, were born before 1935, wish to claim for employee-related expenses, lived in another province during the tax year (etcetera ad nausea) or not. On the plus side, I can now stop worrying about my supply of scrap paper drying up anytime soon.

But I know all this needn't be so. We did our taxes last year in the U.S. with MacInTax: 'twas a dream of efficiency and information. I even forgive them for trying ot sell me a $30 State tax package for a State in which it is impossible to file electronically. I mean, I can go to any library and pick up the forms for free, you money-grubbing twits. But I still forgive 'em, because their Federal tax software is well worth the dough.

Or how about Singapore, where paying taxes is this simple, even if you are leaving before tax season and dare not skip out for fear of the hyper-efficient wrath of the monster that is the Corporation of Singapore: you have only to hop on the Mass Rapid Transit, run across the street, and write a cheque at the cashier's window. The whole painful process made as clean and tidy as a surgeon's cut. Although in fairness I should mention the story of a friend who had changed jobs, and the government had somehow lost track of him. One morning at the ATM, he learned that the Tax Department had been into his account and took the money they figured he owed. In that country you are guilty, even when proven innocent, and everyone is in on it.

I could also mention other, less organized parts of the same region where one can easily not pay any taxes at all, but I wouldn't know anything about that.

Oh, but I digress. I still haven't mentioned the second reason tax season almost killed me this year. For this I can only blame QuickTax for being the messenger, so I do. You see, I've spent the past five years out of the country, bragging every tax-time "at least in Canada, artists can write off their expenses against a regular income". Any properly unsuccessful artist could actually reduce their taxable income from that crap service industry job by investing in their art, music, play, movie, whatever. It seemed like a groovy, hip and encouraging way for the government to support individual endeavour. So what happened? This native has returned to find everything changed. It's true then, that you can never go home - only two things are certain and one of them is taxes.

Hasta la proxima,

Cat.

 

(y muchas gracias a The Harvey Averne Barrio Band for Caterina's theme)

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